I'm a Grumpy Greta

I should've blogged about this when it happened a couple days ago, so it wouldn't look like I was just being all "Me too!" about this post on STFUParents.

Earlier this week I went for a run around 8 a.m. before going into work. I don't often run first thing in the morning, but I wanted to get it over with, and I knew it would help me focus in lab. Because of the time, I had the trail almost to myself, and people were just starting to arrive at the park near the hospital as I was returning. As I approached the pond, I noticed that a woman was sitting on the park bench beside the trail, a child on either side.

As I got closer, the children start shouting, "Good morning! Good morning!" which barely made a dent on my consciousness. I was deep in thought/daydreaming, first of all, and second, at that point I was not the only other person around, so I didn't assume that they were talking to screeching at me. So I just kept running, and kept my eyes on the trail. When I was almost in front of the bench, the little boy jumped out and yelled, "I said, Good morning!!!!" at which point it occured to me that they'd been addressing me. Of course, since the kid had just suddenly lurched at me while screaming, I darted to the opposite side of the path and kept going.

As I jogged away, I overheard this exchange:

"She sure is grumpy, mom!"
"Yeah...must be..."

And your know, they're right. Only a grumpy person would not be paying attention to strangers (because what the fuck else would you possibly have on your mind?!*), assume that a random kid at a park was yelling at her in particular (because you know kids never yell just for the fun of it), and stop to exchange pleasantries (because what better use could you possibly make of your time?)!

*Here's a sampling:

Why is it that my bladder is bursting but I'm still so fucking thirsty?!
I wish I had brought more tissues!
Yuck, the air reeks of chocolate and manure.
I hope I didn't drop my key along the trail.

Recipe (sorta) - Falafel Pitas

I used Al Wadi Al Akhdar falafel mix, prepared according to the instructions on the side of the box (formed into little balls and deep fried on the stove top in extra-light olive oil). I served these warm* with pocketless white pita bread, and plain nonfat Chobani yogurt, shredded lettuce, thin slices of cucumber, and chopped spring onions as toppings. 

For my taste, the inside of the falafel patties were a little gritty - possibly because I should have made each one smaller - so I used approximately a whole 8-oz container of yogurt on each of my pitas. The level of spice was pretty good: my father, who usually bitches and moans every time a recipe has flavor, didn't complain and took second helpings, but my mom and my husband said that it burned their lips. :P 


*But they tasted great cooled - later in the evening, and also for lunch and dinner the next day - too.

Crisis of the Day, Health Edition

Last weekend, my niece Angela, who will turn 2 next month, went to a horse farm with her mother, father, and maternal grandmother. She got a bug bite on her hip, then she got cryabeetus because it got infected. Thus she stayed awake all night, bawling.

Her mother is my SIL, Marisol. Marisol has taken 2 years of graduate-level medical classes, so she should know that a bug bite, infected or not, is not an emergency unless the recipient is allergic; it is something to call the pediatrician about. Moreover, she is 28 years old, so as a grown-ass woman, she should know that insect bites are something that every single fucking child gets and gets over.

But this is not the world of Shoulds. This is the world of OMG WTF MY PWESSSHUS!

So this is how she handled it.


First, Marisol called her mother, Elana. Elana lives in Colombia.  Just to say, you know, "OMG it's such a crisis Angela is dying of a mysterious illness and it's an emergency!"

Second, she took her bawling brat to the ER, where I'm sure she delighted everyone (you know, the riff-raff who have actual emergencies).

Third, she called Elana again to say that no one could figure out what was ailing Angela, but they were suiting up for surgery, to operate on her hip.

Fourth, she turned off her phone because they were in a hospital and I guess she finally figured out that the "no cell phones, please" signs applied to her.

Fifth, she returned home and went to bed to sleep for the day (what?! she had been up alllllll niiiight!), leaving Angela with her MIL. (By the way, she hates the MIL, and treats her like shit because, as she's told everyone, "She's crazy" and is "taking dementia pills". I guess she doesn't trust her around Sneauxphlayke unless she really doesn't feel like taking care of her darling little crotch dropping.)

So let's review. Marisol raised a false alarm, then didn't bother to tell anyone that the "surgery" was just "they lanced the bite and pus came out" and she would be fine. Oops!

Let's see how Elana handled this.

April 21 at 12:14pm   Elana:   Alejandro! comunicate urgente con Marisol ,Angela esta en el hospital (Alejandro! It's urgent that you're in touch with Marisol, Angela is in the hospital)

April 21 at 12:31pm Elana: Ellen*, buenos dias, Gracias por el mensaje de cumpleanos, como esta familia, por ffaor,,,PLIS SOS... URGENTE, ANGELA ESTA HOSPITALIZADA DE URGENCIA ,DILE A ALEJANDRO, QUE SI PUEDE IR A VER QUE LEPUEDE AYUDAR Y NOS LLAME ,,GRACIAS ,,, NO CONTESTA EL CEL , DE PRONTO ESTA EN CLASE .GRACIAS (Ellen, Hello, thanks for the birthday message, how is the family, please, [] URGENT, ANGELA HAS BEEN HOSPITALIZED FOR AN EMERGENCY, TELL ALEJANDRO, SO THAT HE CAN GO AND SEE HER AND HELP HER AND CALL US,,THANKS,,,HE DOESN'T ANSWER HIS CELL, SUDDENLY HE IS IN CLASS, THANKS)

April 21 at 12:44pm  Elana:

Alejandro , Angela fue hospitalizada anoche de urgencias , por favor ayudale y nos llamas, a ella seledescargo el celular y te hemos llamado , pero no contestas, (Alejandro, Angela was emergency hospitalized last night, please help her and call us, she shut down the phone and we have called her but no answer,)

No, he didn't answer the cell phone because he was in class - at a school that is 90 minutes away from the fucking hospital.

My question is, what the fuck did she think he was going to do? If she couldn't get in touch with Marisol, how would he?! Magic? Just go into the hospital and start wandering the halls until you find 'em?  

*Ellen is my mom, who doesn't speak Spanish, and has a life of her own, thanks.

Recipe - Thai Chicken Salad Rolls

Ingredients:

• 2 cups cubed cooked chicken
• 2 cups coleslaw mix
• 1/2 cup golden raisins
• 1/3 cup chopped unsalted peanuts
• 2 green onions, chopped
• 1/4 cup lime juice
• 1/4 cup honey
• 3 tablespoons soy sauce (I prefer the low-sodium variety)
• 1 tablespoon sesame oil
• 2 teaspoons Sriracha sauce
• 1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
• Rice paper wrappers

Directions

In a large bowl, combine the first five ingredients. In another bowl,
combine the lime juice, honey, soy sauce, oil, chili sauce and
garlic powder; pour over chicken mixture and toss to coat. 

 

Prepare the rice paper according to instructions on the package. (Place wrapper flat in a shallow pan of room-temp water until it is uniformly pliable.)

When the wrapper is ready to be used, remove it from the water and place it on a paper towel so that it lays flat. Place some of the chicken salad inside the wrapper, then fold wrapper around it like you would a tortilla. Set the roll aside, and continue until all of the chicken salad has been wrapped. 

Adapted from http://www.tasteofhome.com/Recipes/Thai-Turkey-Salad-Pitas.

Life is shitty, get over it.

 This thread got me thinking.

 Something I hate is when parents not only minimize the challenges that face non-parents, but they treat them (the non-parent's difficulties) as totally optional - something brought upon themselves - whereas the parents are noble victims of the hardships of parenting.

For example, I spend lots of time in the course of my experiments cleaning up rat urine and feces. Of course when I sat in Psych 101 thinking how cool it would be to study animal behavior, I was not picturing myself kneeling on the floor, wiping down plexiglass chambers smeared in poop. But sometime between my initial daydreams about neuroscience and the first day I faced the messy chambers, something like this went through my brain...

• Our rats are not litter trained.

• Cocaine makes them poop more.

• Rats walk around on all fours, thereby getting feces on their paws, and occasionally rear up and put their paws on the walls, thereby transferring feces to the walls.

• Rats do not clean up after themselves.

• Therefore, I will need to clean up the poop from the chambers. 

I pursued this course of study in spite of this knowledge because although I don't enjoy cleaning excrement, I realize that it is a necessary part of research that I really want to and enjoy doing.

I don't complain much about it, because I know that this is the life I chose, and because I know that every other behavioral scientist has to do the same damn thing at some point. It's not like I'm being persecuted by the poo. I don't post pictures of it on Facebook or my blog, because I know that absolutely no one thinks that it is interesting or pleasant to look at. I don't brag about how much I have to clean or how long it takes, because no one cares. It doesn't make me special or superior or anything else - other than one person among many who does what she has to do.


How is that different from parents, who know damn well that babies can't control their bodily functions (or clean up after themselves) but choose to have them anyhow? They made a choice, just like I did, that something outweighed this unpleasantness. They know that every parent has to do the same thing for their offspring. They must have some clue that photos of their baby's excrement are not aesthetically pleasing.  Yet still we have pictures of "diaper blowouts," shit here, shit there, shit shit everywhere. Please explain it to me.

Yuck!

Of all the unpleasant things I've seen on CSI and the other shows I'm addicted to, there is one thing I really wish I could unsee: emergency c-section on a dead woman in last night's show. But it was a pleasant surprise to see a more realistic depiction on TV of teen pregnancy. It's not romantic. It's not easy. It's not fun. It doesn't guarantee a good or lasting relationship between the parents, or that your peers will be impressed or fuss over you.

I also wish that I could unhear Doc Robbins saying, "It felt good to help the living for once." Fuck! When a medical examiner (or anyone else) helps to secure justice for the dead, they are doing an essential service for the living, too.

But think of the children!

yes - I will call him a coward. Anyone willing to spray the neighborhood with bullets when there are innocent children, pregnant mothers and peaceful families within spitting distance is a coward. Maybe coward is too nice of a word... When bullets are blazing by your bedroom window and you fear for the lives of your family, you tell me what you call him. Thankfully, he didn't harm anyone physically, but the emotional toll will take a while to recover from

Let me explain what he means:

Oh, well, if there are baaayyyyybbbeeees involved, then "spray[ing] the neighborhood with bullets" probably isn't nice. If there are just adults and elderly people there, it's a totally different story. In fact, in terms of the morality and/or danger of a violent situation, they really don't cross my mind.


Commenter "dakotajim," http://www.pennlive.com/midstate/index.ssf/2011/04/police_file_charges_against_ac/3032/comments-2.html

Translation: "I'm entitled, bitch!"

This lovely offering was left on a table at the Hershey, PA Panera this afternoon by a Mombie and her 2 toddlers (let's call them Sneauxphlayke and Crotchdroplet). You cannot tell from the picture, but the table is littered with dry and not-so-dry crumbs. For those unfamiliar with Panera, it is like a deli in the sense that you order your stuff at a counter, where it is prepared and given to you, and that is the end of the service. You pick out your table or armchair, take your order there, and clean it up afterward. All very nice and delicious, and sometimes if you happen to be sitting around enjoying your drink but your plates are empty, a friendly worker will offer to take them for you. But the etiquette is that you don't just leave your dirty plates and trash on the table and leave.
But mombies are special, because theirs is the hardest and most important job on earth. Abiding by etiquette is for lesser beings, who are preoccupied with petty concerns. I learned this by listening to Mombie here in Panera.*


Mombie stands up to leave, and collects her brats and their luggage. Panera worker sees a vacant table with dirty stuff on it, and politely asks, "Ma'am, is this yours?"


Mombie loses her shit. "Does it not LOOK to you like I have my hands full?! I am the MOM here. That is MY job.  YOUR job is to clean up. How am I supposed to do your job AND mine?!"


Nice Worker: "Excuse me, ma'am, I just wanted to see if this table was vacant."


Mombie: "Whatever!" [Stalks out of the restaurant.]


Jane: Chokes on her coffee.


*Also, I learned that being a MOM makes you, like, way more mature.

Playing Nice with the Childed In-Laws, Part I

On Saturday my husband and I went to the Design/Sales office of the conglomerate in which the apartment his father will be buying/we will be renting is located. My SIL was* the agents' contact person for the deal, so I expected her to join us. What I did not expect was her loud, obnoxious husband and precious 18-mo-old Sneauxphlayche to join us, but they did.  I was not thrilled. But you know how sometimes you think you have a shitty situation, but something happens to let you know that you narrowly missed an even shittier situation? Well, that happened when the younger agent spotted Sneauxphlayche and cooed, "Ohhh! If I'd have known you'd be here, I would've brought my little one!" One Precious Princess was enough.** (No surprise there.)

As we picked out the colors and patterns for the fixtures and furnishings, I did my best to ignore PP's singing to herself, touching everything, scribbling on the table (hey, if the agents can't tell her to stop, I'm not going to), babbling, and general running around and talking to herself (loudly of course)...while her parents alternately ignored and indulged her. I hit my limit when we (agent Mommy, SIL, BIL, PP, and their poorly trained Jack Russell, and my husband and I) were visiting our unfurnished, unfinished apartment. PP and Jack, with Enrique's encouragement, were running around like idiots, with much squealing, shouting, and barking. Agent Mommy chose that moment to say directly to me, "You will have to be careful with the baby when the countertops are installed" (because we chose the sharp-edged, standard style, rather than the beveled edges, which cost $470 more). I laughed in her face, and said, "No, we won't." All the chaos suddenly stopped. I became the center of the adults' attention, and PP hid behind her mombie's leg, sucking her thumb and staring at me.

"Oh, I did have one question," I said to Agent Mommy. "By when do we need to drop off our ceiling lamp if we want your guys to install that instead of the standard chandelier?"

Chaos gradually resumed. A couple minutes later, SIL invited us to lunch. I accepted very sweetly. Fortunately for me, PP fell asleep on the ride there. The adults actually behaved like adults at lunch, except for SIL asking Alejandro to save some of his lunch (which we paid for) for little Sneauxphlayche.***



*She isn't any more, because I explained very firmly and clearly to the agents that although Alejandro's father would be purchasing the unit, Alejandro and I would be the actual occupants.
**More than enough, really.
***New Rule: You make it, you feed it.

Shit my dad says (nothing to do with the show or the book)

I've never watched the show or read the book. This is just a collection of some of the actual shit that has come out of my dad's mouth.

• "Obviously [Sarah Palin] is smarter than you, because she got elected governor and you didn't."
• "It's not cold; you just like to complain." (When it is 33 degrees and snowing.) 
• "It's not hot; you just want to spend money  on air conditioning." (When it is 85 degrees.)
• "Maybe you don't need that...that costs money. You know what else money buys? Oil." (When my brother said that he would like, not that he planned, to buy a 2TB external hard drive, because I was browsing for them online and showing him the ones I was considering.  Oil got thrown in there because my brother rents a house from my dad which has an oil furnace, and my dad had to pay for the most recent delivery of oil because my brother is out of work. It's not like he has money for oil and is spending it somewhere else, thus leaving my dad stuck with the oil bill. He doesn't have money. And he wasn't spending it, or planning to spend it.) 
• "Sheetz is for rich people." (He hates going out to eat, even if it involves stopping at the gas station for a bagel.) 
• "He was just trying to motivate you." (His spin on my former adviser's verbal abuse.) 
• "You take too long to shower...Washing your hair has nothing to do with it, it takes me 2 minutes and I wash my hair, too." (He is mostly bald. I have hair past my shoulder blades.) 
 

 

My translations of some "cute" sayings

"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you." (Winnie the Pooh)

"I hope that you spend the last day of your life grieving and alone."

"You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, but she is beautiful because you love her."
-Anonymous. 

"...because God knows, she is not beautiful."

"The art of love ... is largely the art of persistence."
-Albert Ellis

"I'm not a stalker...I'm just very skilled at the art of love."

"The definition of a beautiful woman is one who loves me."
-Sloan Wilson 

"Really, beggars can't be choosers."

"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous."
-Ingrid Bergman 

"Just shut up and fuck me, ok?"

"There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart."
-Melanie Griffith, Milk Money

...just like in The Temple of Doom.

Michele Bachmann wants black babies, Latino babies, Asian babies.

What she apparently doesn't want is for women to have the right to decide about their reproductive health. This is funny because she thinks it's evil for the federal government to have anything to say about any other health issue.

Step 1. Put on a hat or wrap a towel or scarf around your head, to contain the mess when your head explodes.
Step 2.  Take a sedative so that you don't have the energy/motor skills to go around smashing things and people in your frustration and rage.
Step 3. Dial "91" on your cell phone so that when you start to have a stroke, you can just punch in the last "1." 
Step 4. Watch the video. Don't punch your computer; it's not his/her fault that Michele Bachmann is a dumb bitch.
Step 5. Clean up the mess from exploding head/let the sedative wear off/recover from your stroke.
Step 6. Sometimes it helps to write about your feelings, but we're not going to try that because there are no words for how ridiculous Michele Bachmann is or how much she disgusts me. Instead, think about what stood out to you from her speech, and write down what you would like to say to her. Here is mine, as an example.
     First, I agree with you that the federal government should not take over health care. (I do not agree that this is what "Obamacare" does, but that's beside the point.) This is one reason why I believe that women should have access to safe, legal abortions, and that the government should trust the individual to make her own healthcare choices. Second, I think that it's very interesting you blame poor minorities for this country's problems, yet state that America needs more "black...Latino...Asian babies." Third, I think that this country does not need 50 million more people (not that I know where you came up with that figure). Fourth, it is not always "the easy way out" to have an abortion; sometimes it would seem easier to have an unwanted/unexpected child and conform to our pro-natalist, child-obsessed society. Fifth, if you think that abortion is "violence" on the body, think about the process of childbirth. I know that you have experience with this, because you have five children (as you delight in reminding us). Sixth, parenthood is not pure joy. I know that you are just propagating the myth that you've been brainwashed to believe, but try to be a little realistic. Seventh, I know that there are many people who would love to have babies, but can't. I respect their struggles. However, I don't get your logic..."Because someone else wants something which she can't have, I must have it." Huh?! Eighth, I am sorry that you lost a child. I respect your grief and I'm not belittling the experience or how it has affected you. But me (or anyone else) giving birth is not going to replace that individual. Ninth, I would like to point out that each of those 50 million (again I'm using your figure just for the sake of argument, not because I know the source or have any confidence in it) children would have left an enormous carbon footprint, which would make things worse for the rest of Earth. But I won't bring this up, because you don't believe that global warming exists. Tenth, it was really good of you to take in 23 foster children, and actually put your money where your mouth is (unlike so many people who demand women have unwanted babies but are nowhere to be found when those unwanted babies are needy). I really respect that. What I don't respect is your belief that that entitles you to belittle women's decisions about their own bodies, take away their rights to reproductive health services, or propagate myths about childbearing and parenthood.
Step 7. Sigh. Probably you would not convince the Congresswoman of anything, no matter how right you were or how well you explained it.
Step 8. Think about how many people have heard the same message that she's spreading - if not from her, then from other sources. Then, consider making your ideas available to them, too...through volunteering, donations, or just speaking out in conversation when you hear this kind of crap. Most people hear enough anti-choice rhetoric to know that people who hold those beliefs have certain reasons for doing so, and are very passionate about them. I would like more people to realize that many pro-choice individuals have given a lot of thought to their position on abortion, and that they can articulate the reasons for that position - and that it's important enough to them that they are willing to do so.
      

I'm so glad to be child-free today

I cried when I got home from lab because 2 of my rats died, even though I did everything I could for them. I didn't have to pull myself together to keep from upsetting a child or because I had to take care of it. I didn't have to explain it or tell any myths to gloss over the reality of death. I was free to grieve and then to think through what I need to learn from this experience. I am so glad that I don't have to try to explain to a child that I wholeheartedly support animal research but that doesn't mean that I'm not affected when I see a rat suffering. I'm glad that I don't have to explain that while I support animal research, I despise animal cruelty - that even though I know my experiments cause suffering, I do everything I can to minimize it. I'm glad I don't have to explain how it is that I can value every rat's life and say a prayer to ask its forgiveness for the pain I've caused it and to express my gratitude for what I will learn from it, but that the reason we use rats for research is because somehow they aren't as valuable as humans.

Fuck you all

The Bitch
CARE ALEJANDRO DE MI CORAZON...UN DIA COMO HOY SOLIAMOS CAMINAR POR AHI Y MAMARLE GALLO A LA VIDA......ESPERO QUE LA PASES SUPER JUNTO A TU ESPOSITA..........TE QUIERO DESDE COLOMBIA BEBEBEBEBSSOSOSOSOSOSOS

December 24, 2010 at 12:59pm · Like · Comment · See Friendship
Alejandro Senhorita... todavia caminamos. Caminamos todos los dias, y cenamos juntos varias veces por semana.
Porque te llevo en mi corazon. Porque haces parte de mi.
Te quiero muchisimo.

Felices fiestas, Para vos, tu herman"ito" y los padres.

Si les puedes decir que se hechen una horacion por mi, y me envien sus bendiciones, me haran un hombre muy feliz. Siempre se les recuerda con carinho.

Un abrazote.
December 25, 2010

I hate my husband. I hope that he doesn't come home from soccer tonight. Maybe he should go live with his precious siiiiiiister instead so that he can be free to worship her and her fuck trophy 24/7, and talk all the shit he wants with the fucking hoes from "his hemisphere." it's too bad he had my iPad engraved; otherwise, he could give it to his slut after I shove it up his ass. (Or maybe she won't care that it has another woman's name on it. Well, I'll help them out and just scratch it off.) Asshole looked at me with his big stupid eyes and asked, "So it bothers you to be with a guy who has a past that has happy memories?" No, fuck face. It bothers me that you know it causes trouble when you have this kind of shit on facebook, but you continue to do it.
Last night I dreamt that he pulled up the driveway and I saw him making out with some other girl in his car. I guess I have to accept the fact that it's not just a bad dream. Sad thing is, this should've been a great day for me, because I learned how to do 2 new procedures and did them successfully on my own with 2 rats. But instead I'm pissed off and depressed. I've deactivated my FB account and removed all of Alejandro's contact info from my phone and email. I deleted all emails between us from my school and personal accounts. I tore up and burned the love note that he had left me on some random page of my notebook for me to find sometime while I was reading - the one that made me blush, that I thought was so fucking sweet. Fuck him. I don't wanna hear "it's cultural." No, motherfucker, it's inconsiderate. Maybe he should just go back to his own precious fucking culture.

More about yesterday's shooting

This is a comment on NPR's story about Jared Lee Loughner.

Eddie Jordan (skidro) wrote:
The people are sick of the government acting outside of the Original Constitution. Our Constitution has been ammended so many times that the founding fathers would not even undderstand it. While I feel sorry for the victims here there is, without doubt, a revolution coming to this country that would make the civil war look like a huntiing accident. It is not illegal to say you are going to kill 500 people, unless you name at least one. "Load them muskets and get behind the walls boys, theys a revolution a brewin and shine to be drank". It had to start somewhere. Sorry, thats just how I feel!
January 9, 2011 1:16:24 PM EST

I don't have a snappy response. I'm sorry too that that's how "Eddie Jordan" feels.

I read a lot of comments, both before and after the sheriff's press conference, about how use of violent imagery in political commentary/campaigning may have contributed to this crime, andjust as many saying, in effect, "They didn't mean it literally, no one could've predicted that something like this could happen!" There was even a post defending Sarah Palin's "target map" because "it didn't have bulls eyes, it had surveyor's marks."

Oooohh! Thank you for clarifying! I thought that Sarah Palin was all about "reload," but now I see that she was evoking the powerful, universally-meaningful symbol of the surveyor! I don't know anyone who wouldn't immediately, at a gut level, get that. Now, I know that Sarah Palin's fans are all highly literate, and well-versed in the arts of symbolism and metaphor*, so it's hard for them to believe that there would be anyoneso obtuse as to misinterpret her words. But that's my point...when you give a speech, you have to think about everyone who will hear it, not just those in your little fucking bubble who have already bought into your bullshit. You have** to have some kind of editing process in which you think through how effectively your words convey your intended meaning, and if they could be misconstrued. You don't just assume you can say whatever you want, and everyone who hears will know exactly what you mean! Yes, it seems like Jared Lee Loughner was mentally abnormal. But even mentally sound individuals turn cruel when they are constantly bombarded by words of hate and violence.***

*Not really.
**Ok, you don't have to, obviously; you can have verbal diarrhea instead (I'm looking at you, Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann!).
***I wish people would act like words mean things, because they do.

All I wanted to do was find some chemical data on the Internets

And I discovered that somebody shot Rep. Gabrielle Giffords (D-AZ) at a Safeway in Tuscon. Of course I started following the story, in part because yesterday I heard Rep Giffords being interviewed on NPR and she sounded suspiciously pleasant and reasonable. Who is this asshole?!, I wondered. What was he thinking? So of course I had to check it out when NPR published an update with the gunman's name and a link to his YouTube channel. I watched all the videos available, and concluded that his cognitive processes were seriously disturbed. (Also, the music sounded really creepy.) Luckily for me, the Interweb is full of people who have all the answers and are eager to share them (and tell you how stupid your opinions are), sometimes even in a semi-coherent manner. Less luckily for me,
some of these helpful people seem to be batshit crazy. I would like to stop reading stupid comments on news sites, but I can't seem to look away,* even when I'm ready to stroke out. Here are some of my favorites.

AMo on Jan 8, 4:19 PM said:
From his YouTube site:

"Books:
I had favorite books: Animal Farm, Brave New World, The Wizard Of OZ, Aesop Fables, The Odyssey, Alice Adventures Into Wonderland, Fahrenheit 451, Peter Pan, To Kill A Mockingbird, We The Living, Phantom Toll Booth, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, Pulp,Through The Looking Glass, The Communist Manifesto, Siddhartha, The Old Man And The Sea, Gulliver's Travels, Mein Kampf, The Republic, and Meno."


Communist Manifesto and Mein Kampf stand out, the others are from a typical high school reading list.

Assuming that this information is even accurate, I think it's interesting that so many commenters cite his mention of The Communist Manifesto as proof that the shooter was left-leaning. By that logic he must also be right-leaning, because Mein Kampf and We the Living are on his "favorite books" list, too.**

Wolf Pack (ThisIsMyBoomstick) wrote:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/01/08/jared-lee-loughner-gabrielle-giffords-shooter_n_806243.html

Odd that the shooter seems more towards the left than the right. Likes the communist manifest, mien kempf, is an atheist. Doesn't sound like a bible toting, right wing lunatic to me.

*it's like when there's a clown at the hospital to traumatizevisit the sick kids, and I can't take my eyes off him even though I'm fucking terrified of clowns.
**Although apparently Hitler's writings are overflowing with "left-wing" ideology, according to some of the fine folks on Sarah Palin's Facebook.

Cj Webster The man, Jared Lee Loughner was a LEFT-WING NUT! He listed the Communist Manifesto and Mein Kampf has two of his favourite books. He didn't like Rep. Giffords because she was a Blue Dog Dem and was too moderate. He wanted a communist or socialist revolution. Don't try to fool us Libs, he was one of you. He was not a right-wing nut job like you want us to believe.

Excuses are like assholes

Marisol was supposed to return yesterday to repay Alejandro for the money he wasted faxing her papers. She didn't (surprise!),and guess why! "Because of the weather forecast." Her SUV(which she had to have because she had a baybee)couldn't handle 1.5" of snow that fell overnight and 100% gone from the highway in the morning?! Why can't this bitch just say, "Since I was already in town, I decided to stay here for the weekend with Enrique instead of having him drive to my place on Saturday night and back to his business on Tuesday morning"? That is a perfectly reasonable plan. Why does she have to make up a excuse to do something that makes sense? And why does the excuse have to be so transparently lame?

Crisis of the day, immigration edition

So today I stayed home to read because there was nothing in the lab that I had to do. I was reading a paper in bed when my cell phone rang; I only answered because I recognized the area code as being from Newark, where Alejandro used to work with his BIL. It was Enrique, who said he desperately needed to speak with Alejandro. After I handed the phone to my husband, I heard a female voice, and immediately realized that I had been duped into participation in yet another of Marisol's fucking dramas.
Today the crisis is that she was calling from or from near a USCIS field office, and had forgotten her passport. She asked Alejandro, who of course immediately agreed because she's his siiister, to go to her house (20' away)' find the fucking passport, and fax it somewhere. Yes, it is easy enough to forget something when you have to take a whole fucking library of papers and forms to USCIS every trip, but Marisol is the bitch who told me, shortly after we got married, that alejandro's papers were our problem now, and she was washing her hands of them because Alejandro was an adult and she had her own life to worry about. (FTR I have no disagreement with this; I thought, and still think, that it is perfectly reasonable because I'm the one petitioning for A. to become a permanent resident and eligible for employment and enrollment in a university.*) I just think it's an interesting double standard - she's not responsible for his papers,** but in a pinch, he's responsible for hers.

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*Especially since she already fucked his status up enough by panicking when his car, with papers inside, was stolen, instead of just having him fill out the form to replace lost or stolen documents. And why did she panic? Well, at the time she was 5 months pregnant and if Alejandro had to leave the country, Enrique wouldn't be able to go to every damn dcotor's appointment with her because he'd have to run his own damn business. So all the problems with his papers are basically her fault because she was self-centered.
**Seriously, I don't mind. She has already done enough damage.

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It has been about 5 hours since Alejandro went to send the fucking faxes. It wasn't just his dear siiiiiister's passport. It was also her husband's passport, and all their other immigration-related documents. It would have taken them less time to drive home and get the papers, then drive back to the field office. And it would've cost less too, since it was $96.75 at Staples.

40 lame excuses to spawn

This is from Karen Edmisten, http://karenedmisten.blogspot.com/2007/10/40-reasons-to-have-kids.html. There are a lot of blogs and other stuff published online by people who disagree with her, and I'm going to add my voice to that. I'm not saying she doesn't have stellar logic - I'm just not convinced.

1. Desiring children with the man you love is as natural as breathing. 

Well, if it is natural, it must be good. (Did you know that it is also natural to want to have multiple sexual partners? To be prejudiced?) This is one of the oldest fallacies in the book.

2. The experience of delivering a new life to the world is singularly exhilarating. If you fear pain, there's this lovely thing called an epidural.  

 You think that this is my objection?! Let me share a secret with you: I am a determined person. If I am in pursuit of a goal, I can handle a lot of pain. And really, I don't have any doubts that if I wanted to have children, I would be very capable of handling the pain, as women have done for many thousands of years.

3. Breastfeeding: it's not only economical, efficient, and good for the baby, but it releases hormones that relax and calm both mother and child, lulling both of you to sleep. Who wouldn't want a natural nap-inducer?

Someone who wants to do something with her life, not sleep it away?

4. The world doesn't revolve around me and my daily desires.

No? A lot of this list sure seems to.

5. Every human being has dignity and worth.

I absolutely agree with this statement. I just don't see it as a reason to create new humans in order to meet my needs for love and fulfillment.

6. A child is an unbreakable bond between husband and wife. Love breeds love. And more love. And more. There's nothing more desirable than the father of your children. 

Hahahahaha! Yes, I have heard that if your marriage might be shaky, bringing a child into it will definitely make it all better.

7. A couple becomes a family -- the whole becomes greater than its parts. 

My husband and I are a family.

8. Having a child is a cooperation with the sacred.

Or nature. Whichever.

9. Children are some of the most charming little people I know: full of wonder, curiosity and innate kindness. Properly nurtured, they become equally charming adults. 

And so...? Again, I'm not necessarily disagreeing that children's minds aren't interesting. I just don't see how this leads to the conclusion that I should have a child.

10. You get to read all the favorite books of your childhood all over again.  

 I do this without procreating.

11. Children naturally grasp the lesson that people are more important than things. 

Uh, no they don't.

12. Children teach us the freedom that comes with self-discipline and self-sacrifice. 

Many jobs and lifestyles involve self-discipline and sacrifice.

13. The biggest drudgery is facing no one but myself day after day. 

Lady! Get a life! There are people "out there" on earth who have already been born! You don't have to make another one just to keep yourself entertained.

14. I am not ideal ... why should I expect my children to be? Kids teach us the joy of unconditional love and acceptance.

And the agony of rejection.

15. I will inevitably disappoint my children because I am not perfect. But, along the way, I'll be able to teach them that -- while nothing on this side of heaven is perfect -- the journey and the perfection that awaits us are worth every moment of trial on earth. 

That doesn't mean you have to go out looking for trials.

16. To remain or become a self-centered, self-enclosed egotist: what horror! 

Hey, you're the one talking about having a child just to entertain yourself.

17. Taking time to care for the gifts I've been given ... yes, thank you.

Again, the world is full of people, but you don't seem to be very interested in caring for them.

18. Motherhood is a vocation: fulfilling, rewarding, and full of unpredictable surprises. 

So is being a scientist.

19. Families: they are a reflection of the Trinity. 

Wait, I thought Trinity meant there were 3.  Vide infra reason #37.

20. Relive childhood and all of its innocent wonder and mirth. 

Did you know that not everyone has a childhood full of innocent wonder and mirth? You know all those missing children posters? Those kids are missing because there are predators in the world. That's part of childhood, too.

21. To persist in saying "me first" is a sign of immaturity. 

You mean as in, "me, I need a companion! Me! I need to be fulfilled!"

22. A child will ignite the fond memories of your own childhood. 

As will a scrapbook or photo album...

23. While you cannot ensure that your child will be happy 100% of the time, the desire for her happiness is a good, admirable and unselfish thing. 

Not wanting to have children has nothing to do with what I desire for children in general.

24. The enchantment of being with one's children outweighs any and all other difficulties. 

Keep telling yourself that. For myself, I will avoid creating the difficulties in the first place.

25. If you worry about sending them off to school, homeschooling is a delightful, intellectually stimulating option.

I actually laughed out loud when I read this. The homeschoolers I've met seem anything but intellectually stimulated or stimulating.

26. Do something to change the world. Have a child. Raise a saint.  

 Or have a child, raise a serial killer.

27. Revel in the simplicity of a child's unconditional love and trust. 

But not just any child? It has to be your child?

28. Parenting will soften your hard edges and sharpen your compassion and empathy. 

Yeah, I guess because I'm not a Mom I just don't care when I see suffering.

29. Motherhood is an insight into one's soul. It's better than analysis. 

Yes, it has obviously made you very insightful.

30. Success is not defined only in terms of what one does for money. To succeed as a mother is beyond worldly success.   

What I do at work is also not just for the big bucks (b/c I don't get them, haha). I find research intrinsically rewarding.

31. When your husband becomes the father of your children, a new man appears: fiercely loving but practical and still-logical, nurturing but fiercely strong and protective. You will fall in love with him all over again. 

Sometimes. And sometimes the father is outta there before the baby is even born.

32. The child to whom you give life may be the one to fight the culture of death and the notion of a brave new world. 

True. Or he could be the next mass-murdering, sadistic despot or a serial killer. They were children once, too.

33. "How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers." -- Blessed Teresa of Calcutta 

According to your religion, children have souls. Flowers don't. And I hate to be so practical, but children require slightly more attention than flowers.

34. Children whittle away your time in ways that are ultimately beneficial: they have an uncanny knack for getting rid of the meaningless hobbies that used to consume you. 

You mean meaningless stuff like my personal interests? Causes I care about? I don't want that to be whittled away, thank you.

35. Watching a child grow into a caring, sensitive soul is a reward that cannot be measured in book sales. 

Once again, you forget that every predator was once a child. Many mothers have the pain not only of seeing their children grow into people who reject their values, but cause others great pain, too.

36. It's an awe-inspiring thing to have a child and the experience of feeling, "I didn't think I could ever love anyone that much." 

Because every non-mom is shallow. I know.

37. Already have a child? Have another. Siblings are the best birthday presents, Christmas presents, Father's Day presents, Arbor Day presents .... 

"Mommy and Daddy Are Bored with You" Day presents...

38. Baby toes. Need I say more? 

Yeah, an explanation would be helpful.

39. Okay, I'll say more. Watching your baby sleep: You didn't know that angels could be held in your arms.  

 Just because a creature is not big or strong enough to defy you doesn't mean that it is an angel.

40. Worried about money? What's worth more than a soul? 

Worried about logic? ...obviously not.

I don't hate everything.

Penguins. Because they are beautiful and adorable, incredibly tough, and adaptable (various species are indigenous to a variety of climates).

Rats. Because they are smart, curious, and sooo cute.

My new lab. I had almost forgotten that not every PI treated the whole lab like shit. It is such a relief to work with people who understand that as a student, I'm in training, so I have questions and will make mistakes. It feels wonderful to be the new kid, because I'm not expected to know everything. It's nice that my new mentor trusts me to work and study outside the lab. I love that she told me she has no problem if I come in at 11 a.m. after I exercise if that's what helps me have energy and focus. I am so happy to study with a PI who treats me like a human, not a data machine.

Alejandro. Who bought me an iPad for Christmas so that I could carry around hundreds of annotated papers, even though I didn't ask for it. (The app is iAnnotate PDF.) I adore the iPad, of course, but the best part of this whole situation was that he gave me a useful present to help me be more efficient and environmentally friendly, even though I've never complained to him about either issue.

My mom. For so many reasons. But especially because she encourages me to live the life I want.

My cat, even though she just walked across my iPad. :)