Crisis of the Day, Health Edition

Last weekend, my niece Angela, who will turn 2 next month, went to a horse farm with her mother, father, and maternal grandmother. She got a bug bite on her hip, then she got cryabeetus because it got infected. Thus she stayed awake all night, bawling.

Her mother is my SIL, Marisol. Marisol has taken 2 years of graduate-level medical classes, so she should know that a bug bite, infected or not, is not an emergency unless the recipient is allergic; it is something to call the pediatrician about. Moreover, she is 28 years old, so as a grown-ass woman, she should know that insect bites are something that every single fucking child gets and gets over.

But this is not the world of Shoulds. This is the world of OMG WTF MY PWESSSHUS!

So this is how she handled it.


First, Marisol called her mother, Elana. Elana lives in Colombia.  Just to say, you know, "OMG it's such a crisis Angela is dying of a mysterious illness and it's an emergency!"

Second, she took her bawling brat to the ER, where I'm sure she delighted everyone (you know, the riff-raff who have actual emergencies).

Third, she called Elana again to say that no one could figure out what was ailing Angela, but they were suiting up for surgery, to operate on her hip.

Fourth, she turned off her phone because they were in a hospital and I guess she finally figured out that the "no cell phones, please" signs applied to her.

Fifth, she returned home and went to bed to sleep for the day (what?! she had been up alllllll niiiight!), leaving Angela with her MIL. (By the way, she hates the MIL, and treats her like shit because, as she's told everyone, "She's crazy" and is "taking dementia pills". I guess she doesn't trust her around Sneauxphlayke unless she really doesn't feel like taking care of her darling little crotch dropping.)

So let's review. Marisol raised a false alarm, then didn't bother to tell anyone that the "surgery" was just "they lanced the bite and pus came out" and she would be fine. Oops!

Let's see how Elana handled this.

April 21 at 12:14pm   Elana:   Alejandro! comunicate urgente con Marisol ,Angela esta en el hospital (Alejandro! It's urgent that you're in touch with Marisol, Angela is in the hospital)

April 21 at 12:31pm Elana: Ellen*, buenos dias, Gracias por el mensaje de cumpleanos, como esta familia, por ffaor,,,PLIS SOS... URGENTE, ANGELA ESTA HOSPITALIZADA DE URGENCIA ,DILE A ALEJANDRO, QUE SI PUEDE IR A VER QUE LEPUEDE AYUDAR Y NOS LLAME ,,GRACIAS ,,, NO CONTESTA EL CEL , DE PRONTO ESTA EN CLASE .GRACIAS (Ellen, Hello, thanks for the birthday message, how is the family, please, [] URGENT, ANGELA HAS BEEN HOSPITALIZED FOR AN EMERGENCY, TELL ALEJANDRO, SO THAT HE CAN GO AND SEE HER AND HELP HER AND CALL US,,THANKS,,,HE DOESN'T ANSWER HIS CELL, SUDDENLY HE IS IN CLASS, THANKS)

April 21 at 12:44pm  Elana:

Alejandro , Angela fue hospitalizada anoche de urgencias , por favor ayudale y nos llamas, a ella seledescargo el celular y te hemos llamado , pero no contestas, (Alejandro, Angela was emergency hospitalized last night, please help her and call us, she shut down the phone and we have called her but no answer,)

No, he didn't answer the cell phone because he was in class - at a school that is 90 minutes away from the fucking hospital.

My question is, what the fuck did she think he was going to do? If she couldn't get in touch with Marisol, how would he?! Magic? Just go into the hospital and start wandering the halls until you find 'em?  

*Ellen is my mom, who doesn't speak Spanish, and has a life of her own, thanks.